What is bullying?
Bullying is when someone deliberately and repeatedly upsets, frightens, threatens or hurts someone else or their property, reputation or friendships.
Bullying can be:
- teasing, saying mean things or calling someone names
- deliberately ignoring someone or leaving them out of games or activities, and/or encouraging others to do this
- playing nasty jokes or spreading nasty stories
- pushing, tripping or hitting someone, or taking or damaging their things.
Bullying can happen face to face. It can also happen online – for example, if children send nasty texts or say mean things about others on social media. This is cyberbullying.
All bullying is hurtful. When it keeps going, it can cause long-lasting harm.
If friends or peers disagree or even argue, or if someone says something mean once, it can be unpleasant and even nasty. But it isn’t bullying. Bullying is mean and hurtful behaviour that happens over and over again.
Bullying is never OK.
Spotting signs of bullying
Your child might tell you that they’re being bullied. For example, your child might say that other children are teasing them, making fun of them, putting them down, laughing at them, calling them names, ignoring them, physically hurting or threatening them.
If your child doesn’t say anything but you’re worried, here are some signs to look out for.
Physical signs
These include:
- bruises, cuts and scratches
- torn clothes
- missing property
- poor eating or sleeping
- bedwetting
- complaints about headaches or tummy aches.
Requests for money or other items
The person doing the bullying might be demanding money or things like lunch box treats from your child.
School or preschool problems
Your child might:
- not want to go to preschool or school
- stay close to teachers during breaks
- start sitting alone
- have difficulty asking or answering questions in class
- have trouble with schoolwork or homework
- stop taking part in school activities.
Social changes
Your child might avoid social events that they used to enjoy, like parties. Or you might notice that your child talks about:
- being excluded at lunch and recess
- losing contact with classmates after school
- being chosen last for teams and games.
Emotional changes
Your child might seem unusually anxious, nervous, upset, unhappy, down, teary, angry, withdrawn and secretive. These changes might be more obvious at the end of weekends or holidays, when your child has to go back to school.
These signs don’t necessarily mean your child is being bullied. They could be signs of other issues, like depression. But you should take these signs seriously. If you’re concerned, speak to your GP or another health professional.
There’s no single way to tell whether your child is being bullied. The way your child reacts to bullying will depend on how bad the bullying is, as well as your child’s personality.
What if your child is the one doing the bullying? It can be hard to understand and accept, but there are things you can do if your child is bullying others.
Worried your child is being bullied: finding out more
It can be hard to know for sure whether your child is being bullied. But if your child is being bullied, talking about the bullying is one of the best ways to help and protect your child.
To find out more about what’s going on, you could try some of these conversation starters for children aged 4-6 years:
- What did you do at playtime today?
- Who did you play with today? Is there anyone you don’t like to play with? Why?
- What sort of games did you play? Did you enjoy them?
- Are you looking forward to going to school tomorrow?
- If you could change one thing about school, what would it be?
Or try these conversation starters for children aged 7-8 years:
- What did you do at lunchtime today?
- Is there anyone at school you don’t like? Why?
- Are you looking forward to going to school tomorrow?
- If you could change one thing about school, what would it be?
When you’re talking with your child about school, try to keep the conversation relaxed and friendly, and avoid bombarding your child with questions. Just give your child your full attention, ask simple questions, and listen to the answers. You could try saying things like, ‘So what happened next?’ and ‘What did you do then?’ This approach can help your child open up to you.
What to do when your child is being bullied
Children should never be left to sort out bullying on their own. It can hurt them a lot, in the short and long term. It’s important for you to step in quickly to stop bullying, before it damages a child’s confidence.
You can take steps to: