Sexual abuse in children and teenagers: recognising the signs

Children might not tell you that they’ve been sexually abused. Instead you might notice signs, including physical signs and changes in children’s behaviour or emotions.

Children respond to sexual abuse differently. Many things influence how children respond, including how old children are, how frequent and severe the abuse is, what happens during the abuse, and who’s doing the abuse.

Some children might show only very subtle signs, and some might not show any signs at all.

If your child shows one or more of the signs listed below, it doesn’t necessarily mean they’ve been sexually abused. Your child’s behaviour can change for many reasons, but it’s important to consider sexual abuse as a possibility. It’s also important to trust your instincts.

All children have the right to grow up safe from abuse. Protecting children from sexual abuse is part of creating safe environments that help children grow and thrive.

Signs of sexual abuse in children 0-11 years

Changes in emotions
If your child or the child you’re caring for has been sexually abused, you might notice that your child:

• is quieter or more distant than usual
• cries for no obvious reason
• starts to wet the bed or soil their pants
• asks questions like ‘Do people have to keep secrets?’
• is aggressive or seems angry for no obvious reason
• says their head or tummy hurts and there doesn’t seem to be a physical cause
• starts having nightmares
• is clingy.

Changes in behaviour
You might notice that your child:

• isn’t interested in playing, or is avoiding particular places or people
• is showing problematic sexual behaviour
• is having problems sleeping
• is doing less well at school.

Physical signs
You might notice that your child has:

• swelling or redness in the genital area
• pain when going to the toilet
• difficulty walking or sitting
• bruises on soft parts of their body, like buttocks or thighs
• symptoms of a urinary tract infection, like burning while going to the toilet
• symptoms of a sexually transmitted infection, like discharge from the penis or vagina.

If you suspect a child has experienced sexual abuse, report your concerns to the police on 000. You can also call the National Sexual Assault, Domestic Family Violence Counselling Service for advice. Call 1800RESPECT or 1800 737 732.

Signs of sexual abuse in teenagers

Changes in emotions
If your teenage child or the teenage child you’re caring for has been sexually abused, you might notice that your child:

• is aggressive or seems angry for no apparent reason
• has headaches or stomach aches for which there doesn’t seem to be a physical cause
• becomes angry or upset when a particular person or place is mentioned
• has trouble developing or maintaining relationships
• cries for no obvious reason
• has nightmares
• has low self-esteem
• is confused about their sexual identity.

Changes in behaviour
You might notice that your child:

• is dressing differently
• has clothing, shoes, bags, jewellery or electronics from an unknown source
• is showing problematic sexual behaviour, including getting involved in risky sexual behaviour
• starts to have problems with alcohol or other drugs
• is driving erratically
• is cutting themselves or self-harming in other ways
• spends a lot of time online and is secretive about online communications
• is eating more or less
• has problems sleeping.

Changes in school and social life
You might notice that your child:

• is spending more time on their own than usual
• has changed friendship groups
• is avoiding particular people or places, like a friend’s house or a sports group
• is avoiding activities or events that they previously enjoyed, or asks questions like ‘Do I have to go to music today?’
• is doing less well at school.

Physical signs
You might notice your child has:

• swelling or redness in the genital area
• pain when going to the toilet
• difficulty walking or sitting
• bruises on soft parts of their body, like buttocks or thighs
• symptoms of a urinary tract infection, like burning while going to the toilet
• symptoms of a sexually transmitted infection, like discharge from the penis or vagina
• missed a period.

Behaviour changes are typical during the teenage years. If you have a strong relationship with your teenage child, you can help your child through these changes. You’ll also be well placed to notice any concerning changes.